Playing Call of Duty with Kim Jung-un

Surreal. That’s how I’d describe the circumstances that led to me set up and squaring off against the North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. The first and only tournament of such a nature to be held in Panmunjom, the Truce Village.

I won my position through the American side of the tournament. Jong-un, well he is the dictator of a nation of more than 23 million people in which even a hint of dissent can see a person imprisoned and or murdered. Based on his lackluster gameplay, I think that had something to do with his representing his county.

But there we were, stalking one another through the virtual mountains. We both prefer the stand-off combat style of sniper rifles though I also like close up shotguns. If you have to close, do so with maximum force.

So there we were, trying to draw one another out. He was taunting me with what I think he assumed were profound insults, calling me noob a lot.

Then the moment of truth arrived. He popped up on a rooftop of a shack in a downslope position and I tagged him, sending his character to the gulag. “Fitting end,” I thought, but did not say in the interest of preservation of life.

“This is bullshit!” he yelled and leaned in close, “You’re just making all this up to riff off of Alexei Sorokin’s story about meeting Putin!”